WASHINGTON, DC – JUNE EDITION 1st JUNE 2019
From the aides secret "Journal of Aides and Staff" kept behind the portrait of Andrew Jackson in a titanium box inserted into the wall and re-plastered every use..
11:09 am: So, this morning I had a call from *,* old Nancy Palosi’s office wanting to know if the President would allow the FBI to arrest him by Speaker’s demand. I said “Well, that would depend on just what the FBI wanted with him. If it is anything but work on the lie detector cheating class this would not be allowed according to some big Lawyer at Harvard who advises me secretly.” MR BUBBLY
11:21 am: I also had a call this morning from Nancy Pulosi herself thanking Mr. Bubbly for making herself clear. I asked about what? Nancy said she could not reveal this but that it concerned the President’s future “arrest preferences.” I chuckled but she came back seriously – “Well you know when we get all the facts together sufficient to have him detained we would hope he might relate some preferences such as “no feather pillows” or “hot tea” in the morning at 4:30 before Reveille. I laughed and sent her ten cases of brass cleaner from Mexico, soon to be a collector’s item said the card!
11:43 am I am nervous because the First Lady asked me to help her fix lunch for she and Meghan McCain this morning Well, you no, M.McM is no lightweight so I suggested a cold pea pod salad with a side of 25 year aged French fro-mage-blue and a bottle of Jack. The First L. did not laugh and instead suggested we order burgers, fries, and a dozen milk shakes in assorted flavors so as not to give away “the surprise” of treating her like a star athlete! So I’ve done that – but I worry that Meghan will not find that humorous and go on another rant out POTUS hating her dead father. Should I do something to ruin the F.L’s show? MRS MARVELOSITY
11:44 am Are you kidding – OF COURSE NOT – you have no right to correct the First Lady’s wishes and it saves plenty rather than ordering lunch from Dean & DeLuca.
13:52 pm A few of us just got back from lunch at Bob Weidmaire’s place only to find that POTUS ordered lunch for the entire White House staff from Dean & DeLuca – cost was over almost $178,000 without the tips! But I entered it in the “slip” budget as – “Luncheon for People” so anyone auditing will know that this means it was a clandestine gathering of national security importance. I also put it in the AG’s expense folder with no explanation to make him giggle. By the way the air force flew all 1,400 meals from Dean & DeLuca in Napa with no charge! That not only took care of all White House professionals but also the 90 workers who keep everything clean and sparkling. We also fed 237 people outside backing a POTUS – applied 75% tariff on all foreign imported goods unless they cede sovereignty. BLONDIE
14:41 pm I am charged with planning POTUS’ trip to England that comes up in two shakes of a lamb’s tail and I don’t know what will happen with Prince Harry after DJT called Meghan worse than what was reported as “Nasty” but was really an two minute outburst, something I cannot repeat – even here! Tee Hee – I suppose Harry is having lunch with POTUS because no other Royal would do it – GAWD they are all so elitist! Meghan Marple is a great name I wonder if she changed it from something else or she is related to Miss Marple of those novels? Now she is what – a Duchess or Empress of Success or something. She had the nerve to say she should move out of the United States if Trump was elected – Why – she’s sort of like him, climbing the tree of Royalty like a little Manx. Harry seems not to care about the Royals – good thing he won’t be King. He will just hang around and have fun on the Brit’s tax mooney. Gosh, I meant Marble or is it Martel? I just can’t take the time . , , Anyway POTUS wants to helicopter geocentrically into the restaurant where they are having lunch. I don’t think Princes have lunch in restaurants do they? They would be swamped just as POTUS is when he’s attending a white supremacist dance or something. Were his grandchildren by Ivanka baht mitsvawed? I wonder – I hope so they would glom a lot of cash from that. Shoot! I can’t worry about the damned lunch with Harry – I have to get on the POTUS love-letter to Kim Junc Un thanking him for murdering those aides of Un’s who messed up the meeting in Singapore (who sings to their pores?). I have no idea how to do that save to use smoke signals to avoid leakage. He wants the letter to begin “My Dear ‘Dahring’ ” to give Un a laugh! M. GREWSOME.
23:13 pm Sick of being the rats-one out of here every damn night. I had to scrape a blob of Sara Lee cheesecake off the the executive desk along with three or four empty Freedom Fries bags. I am not a frigging maid – I am the spokes-someone for all the rest of you once on a blue moon and I am tired of that – everyone saying I am fat and dum – WELL, I am a man – and I am getting old so I can be a little fat and I am not exactly stoopid. Also how does witch Kerry get away with being married to the attorney-general of Notts Berry Farm? That guy is always making fun of my boss and I hate that. But Kerry insists it’s a trick on the American public that misleadingly demonstrates how POTUS will put up with any criticism without nuking up some Central American country in a temper. That’s a laugh – I can’t go into that office without wearing a slip-on spit shield! Well time to close the Jackson strong box again – Hand me that trowel!