If Todd Starnes Actually HAS a Dick, He Just Stepped on it…

Todd Starnes, Fox News commentator and Twitter troll.So there I was, at 3:30 on Wednesday afternoon, minding my own business (kinda) on Twitter, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but THIS little bit of stupidity…

@toddstarnes Democrat screaming jihad on the House floor. Who elects these nut jobs?

Wait, didn’t I see this little asswipe getting his clock cleaned on the Daily Show last night? And he’s back? Fortunately for me, he left a question mark at the end of his tweet, which I took as a wonderful opportunity to make a meaningful response.

@SherrieGG .@toddstarnes Fuck you. Go drink some Tang. I'd call you a douchebag but that implies you actually get close to someone's vagina.

My good deed for the day done, I went merrily back to making sure I was giving all the TeaGops equal time, when suddenly THIS appeared in my timeline.

@toddstarnes @SherrieGG does your employer know that you use that kind of language?

So I said to myself, “Self,” I said, “This dude thinks he’s, like, a big okie-doke at Faux News and that now I shall hie myself to confession and then make an abject apology to him…”

If you know me at all, you know there is about as much chance of THAT happening as there is that Republicans will start making sense, so I thought I would disabuse him of the idea that he might be able to cause me trouble at my JOB.

@SherrieGG .@toddstarnes Is that supposed to be some sort of threat? I am employed by By the Book Construction, Inc., in California. Oh, I also OWN it.

And, for good measure:

@SherrieGG .@toddstarnes You really are a total ratfucker. Keep showing those true colors, toots.

At this point, several other people had also chimed in to let Toddy know that he was about to be forced to lick the spoon he had chosen to stir shit with, and so he did the only courageous thing possible, which was to block me. No, seriously, he did. I am barely managing not to throw myself off the balcony. A little piss ant who thinks anyone not watching Faux knows who he is.

At this point I must confess that until I watched the Daily Show last night, I had never heard of him. I have now, though, and although he may not see what I have to say on Twitter, I will certainly be keeping an eye on him.

So, Mr. Big Important Oompa Loompa is on the Fox Network. His Twitter Bio reads:

“Todd is the host of Fox News & Commentary. He is a writer of books and lover of sweet tea.”

He is a guy who thinks his name and job authorizes him to issue random, thinly-veiled threats at women whose language he finds subpar. He could have said “Do you kiss your mother or your husband with that mouth?” He could have said “Your children must be so proud.”

Either one would have been really wienie things to say, but they would not have implied that HE COULD HAVE ME FIRED FROM MY JOB IN THIS ECONOMY IF HE WANTED TO SO YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, SISTER. That is a supremely stupid thing to say, and we will see who does what to whose job, Bro.

He is a guy who looks exactly like Larry King looked 60 years ago and who seems to cultivate the resemblance and, until the Stewart monologue last night, these were his crowning achievements. Attacking yet ANOTHER woman.

@toddstarnes Miss Kansas, a gun-toting, deer-hunting, military veteran was America's choice – but not the liberal Miss America judges' choice.
7:49 PM – 15 Sep 2013

@toddstarnes The liberal Miss America judges won't say this – but Miss Kansas lost because she actually represented American values. #missamerica
7:53 PM – 15 Sep 2013

@toddstarnes Miss Politically Correct America #missamerica
7:56 PM – 15 Sep 2013

Starnes also linked to two articles accusing Davuluri of calling the then-reigning Miss America Mallory Hagan "fat as fuck."

So, Todd Starnes, I know what you’re about. And as a much greater person than I am once said, “Please, proceed.”

It’s on, Weasel.

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