Gary Bauer Surfaces

Jeff Koopersmith dissects the latest diatribe by the weird ex-presidential candidate – a fringe activist who outdoes Pat Buchanan and even Alan Keyes as the biggest political joke in America.

June 28, 2008 – Geneva ( – Idiot ragazine Human Events has a roster of moron writers longer than your average asylum, yet Gary Bauer takes the cake as one of the nation's greatest dimwits. His publisher, who must be losing a fortune on him, claims:

Mr. Bauer, a 2000 candidate for president, is chairman of Campaign for Working Families and president of American Values.

That in itself is hilariously funny.

Bauer learned from Pat Buchanan that it pays to run for president – in fact, Bauer took a lot of your money to do it. The result? He didn't even get noticed. Of 36 million votes cast in the 2000 primaries, Bauer got 69,000 – an appropriate number for a gay-basher don't you think? Bauer really wowed 'em in Rhode Island with his whopping 35 votes. He couldn't even get on the ballot in many states, including New York. His biggest vote count – in Illinois – was 5,068 (out of 1,600,000)! Lyndon H. LaRouche Jr. got three times as many votes. In fact, a lot of loser right wingers ran in 2000, including our old buddy Alan "Is Making Cents" Keyes, trounced Bauer in every contest (except Pennsylvania, where both of them together got less than 3% of the of the vote).

Bauer ran for president for the same reason that Buchanan had: to feather his own nest and load his pockets with gold.

That said, let's look at his latest little hate mongering, a sterling example of idiocy titled "Empathy for Terror Suspects."

One would think that Bauer might write his usual rant aimed at gays, lesbians, and women who control their own bodies. In fact, he did make sure to attack them – while at the same time attacking the justice system (which he deceptively labels the "liberal" courts) for "making law," a favorite myth among dimwit Republicans (he also tried skewering Barack Obama – but that's like a piece of cheese trying to eat a mouse). Allow me to remind you that our courts are Constitutionally designed to make certain the Congress and the President undertake any act or pass any law that would make Satan blush. The courts don't "make" law, they interpret it, especially the Constitution – which is designed to be flexible and timely, and needs much interpretation because it is designedly so vague.

Yet Bauer, Bible peddler that he is (and certainly taking every word in the New Testament and Old as the certain word of God) thinks the Constitution should be read like it was an instruction manual – put part A in part B and squeeze.

Nothing could be further from the truth – and every time one of the thoughtful Justices on the Supreme Court dares to tell us that this wonderful document is not a verbatim set of rules, shills like Bauer go ballistic because they have no ability to seek the nuance or interpret the complex.

He starts off writing:

Homosexual couples. Illegal immigrants. Terror suspects. Over the past month, America’s highest courts have discovered for each of these groups constitutional rights that had somehow eluded jurists for more than two centuries.

What on earth is he talking about? I know of no jurist who escaped from thinking about rights, immigration, and the mad bomber. They thought about these things and worse at law school if nowhere else, and they learned that all of these accused but not convicted criminals have rights, the same rights as Bauer – although, if there was a miracle, it would be to write Bauer and his ilk out of the Bill of Rights and throw them into Guantánamo.

Anyway, Bauer is all steamed up about the California supreme court's ruling that permits gay men and women to get married. He says this is a "heretofore unknown constitutional right for men to 'marry' other men." I guess he forgot about lesbians – or simply can't face it. Then he attacks his own right-wing-packed Supreme Court – all aflutter that it ruled last week that foreigners may overstay their visas, even if they’ve signed agreements to leave.

Horrors! "Foreigners"! And they signed an agreement! Could they read it? My God, what is America coming to?

Of course the court ruled no such thing – but that's not my point.

Bauer's bigotry is.

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