Now We Pay Iraqis to Kill Each Other

Mr. Maliki has mastered the ways of the West quickly. Well, not so quickly, but he is learning. You see, he phones up a powerful Sheik and says, “Hey Sheik, give me 300 young strong men and you can take credit for giving them good jobs. I’ll also throw in a new Range Rover and a couple of ground to air missiles in case you are attacked by the Kurds.” Then he telephones a weak Sheik and says, “Hey Sheik, give me 25 young strong men and you can take credit for finding them good jobs. I will also toss in a Kia and pellet gun.”

Mr. Crocker does not deny that al-Maliki is bribing community leadership to deliver the bodies who may become future corpses. Crocker puts in wonderfully preposterous terms. “… that is not an engagement you win purely by military means.” Tee hee. He calls al-Maliki’s pay-offs “the economic dimension of power” and finally gives in and says it straight – “Money is in many respects his most important weapon and he is using it.” Sounds sort of like General Electric who went from building cheap stoves with non-working clocks to designing and building nuclear guided missiles touting “Progress is our most important product.”

Remember that one?

Mr. Crocker seems proud that Mr. al-Maliki finally “gets it” – that money is the mother’s milk of war and politics. Yet I am confused – didn’t Saddam Hussein think the same?

And wait a minute – who’s money is it? – ours I suppose.

al-Maliki doesn’t stop there. He also promised the people of Basra that if they are pleasant and bow to his whims and our caprices that he will give them $100 million and create 25,000 jobs in Basra in a year, and throw in a water park.

Gosh. Ohio could use 25,000 jobs right now.

Maliki assures us that all “tribal” recruits will be investigated carefully. I’ve always been interested in how this is done. Really how is some member of tribe vetted? It’s not like there are a lot of records still around. Maybe they just ask the neighbors questions?

“Hello. I am here in your village to vet Saddam Liebowitz. Is he a good boy? Did he hate Saddam? Great, great. Now, is he willing to kill other Iraqis who don’t like President al-Maliki and President Bush? You’re not sure? Oh, you are sure – he will, okay. Great – he’s in. Here’s a Hershey Bar.”

Keep in mind of course that al-Maliki is requisitioning only Shiites. So far he’s ignored the Sunnis keeping to his secret promise to Allah to favor his own sect. al-Maliki is a Shia.

What’s so bad about that? Didn’t Abe Lincoln do the same before the Civil War broke out in America?

Jeff Koopersmith is a political consultant, opinion research authority, policy analyst, and self-described "renegade lobbyist." He lives in Philadelphia, Washington and Geneva.

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