Coulter Jolter: Ann Admits the Truth!

Ann Coulter publicly states that Republicans are unwavering morons – and that Romney has no chance of winning.


Mrs. Romney: Grinning and bearing it! Coulter pushes her to the background and goes in for the snatch (see right hand)

Feb. 2, 2008 – Geneva (apj.us) – Wednesday came and went, and toward the end of the day I wondered what had happened to Ann Coulter. Her column had not been published by Inhuman Events.

I checked Google News to see if perhaps she had finally confronted herself and at last committed suicide, and for a moment was shocked to see a story about Coulter being rushed to the hospital having choked on her own bile at FOX News studios at the nation's capital.

Then I realized this was a satirical story from one of the hundreds of web sites that despise Ann Coulter and what she stands for – namely, making money at any cost as opposed to, say, defending Neocon principles. Coulter, I believe, would elevate Fidel Castro to sainthood if she could make a buck out of it.f

By Thursday morning I realized that Coulter either scrapped whatever column she was working on in order to attack John Edwards yet again after he threw in his towel, or because she had been in church longer than expected praying that her heartthrob – Willard Mitt Romney – would somehow "Come back to little Sheba" and rise victorious from the political ashes he finds himself in today.

Willard
"Willard"

Mr. Romney is named Willard not after the infamous rat but, even more suspiciously, J. Willard Marriott.

If you've been forced to stay in a predictably filthy – and always overpriced – Marriott hotel (and yes, that includes their so-called "luxury class" and creepy, generic "McBusiness" kennels), you'll understand why he prefers to use "Mitt."

A better question: Who names their son after a motel bathmat?

Bubble rat, bubble bath!
Romney takes a bubble bath at the Willard (in an actual Willard bathtub)

Coulter lusts after Romney because she can fantasize about him late on those lonely (every) nights , and he's worth $250 million "earned" from oily leveraged buyout schemes, the kind of fast-buck set-ups that make her little heart go pitter-patter.

Mormon or not, Mr. Romney knows how to turn a 100%-plus profit on the backs of lower-paid wage slaves.

It never ceases to amaze me that Mr. Romney claims over and over again that he has "created jobs," when in fact the only reason the "Romney Method" for turning around companies like Sealy and Sports Authority worked is because he slashes jobs and practically brushes workers into the gutter as if they were lint on his five-thousand-dollar suits. The only jobs he created were in his rapacious firm called "Bain Capital" – which I assume is a misspelling of "Bane."

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