On Coulter: A World of Dead Dogs and “Wacky” Mormons

It's hard to tell who crazed attack chihuaua Ann Coulter likes the least: Harry Reid, Mitt Romney or Mike Huckabee.

Jan. 22, 2008 – Geneva (apj.us) – Ann Coulter returned last week from mourning her dear father and, as usual, is on the attack in her inimitable vicious and super-stupid style.

This time, she was emulating… me!

Coulter resumed her non-stop litany of invective by targeting those ethanol-loving, agribusiness-flogging Iowans for voting for John McCain and Mike Huckabee. She should've simply said what I say at the start of the quadrennial election circus: "Who cares what Iowans think?" She asked Iowans and New Hampshirites, "Are you too busy boning up on Consumer Reports reviews of microwave ovens to spend one day thinking about who should be the next leader of the free world?"

She should have said "apple peelers" rather than microwaves.

Coulter made another mistake by claiming that voting for a candidate without researching him is like "buying a car" because you like the color. She meant "buying a pickup truck," I'm sure.

That shallow observation was the core of her entire column, save for her rapid-fired insults aimed at Mike Huckabee and John McCain for not being conservative enough for her taste &ndsh; which is like demanding that they enlist in the Born-again Christian Jihad.

She also wrote, "Democrats are notoriously unreliable voters in bad weather. Instead of putting on galoshes and going to the polls, they sit on their porches waiting for FEMA to rescue them." This is yet another example of her typically backhanded racist caricaturing aimed at African-Americans, this time thinly disguised as a reference to the ongoing "ethnic cleansing" New Orleans. Is that what Black Democrats are doing? Because if they wait for Mr. Bush's FEMA much longer, they'll all be gone from old age.

Mitt Romney, whom I happen to know, wouldn't share a cheeseburger with Ann Coulter if she were the last neo-Nazi on earth, even though she tells us that he is "manifestly the best candidate."

To be trite: With friends like Ms. Coulter who needs enemies?

Coulter had to bring up Romney's loss against Sen. Ted Kennedy as if that had somehow been a good thing for Romney, adding that Kennedy is a "corpulent drunk" and that all men of good will would be happy if he was "taken out."

And don't think that "taken out" line was a slip of the keyboard. She meant "taken out" as in Jack and Bobby.

She argued – if you want to call her shallow line of reasoning an argument – that Romney is the strongest candidate because Democrats attack him.

And yes, she had it wrong: Mitt might well be the strongest not because he is a "snark magnet" but because of the competition. Face it: McCain is just too darn old, and Mike Huckabee is the sire of a dog murderer. Either way, Romney is too stiff to be elected.

Coulter then changed gears and attacked Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, calling him a "loser Mormon" and labeling Mormonism a "wacky religion."

The Huckabees

But let me thank Coulter for pointing out that Mike Huckabee must be a little crazy himself, having raised two kids, who besides looking like Tweedledee and Tweedledumber are reputed to be as crazy as loons. Before the Bible-beating Bubbas let Huckabee run the nation, they'd better take a look at his offspring now that we know the power of genes.

Here's the "rumor," which has been confirmed as fact: It seems one of the Huckabee "boys," David, was working as a camp counselor. He was eighteen years old at the time. Rather than partake in the usual torturing of the campers, the spawn of "Huck" and a fellow counselor decided to hang, slit the throat of, beat, and then shoot a stray dog. The Huckling and his pal claim that the "kids" had already hung the dog when they came upon it and they only slit it's throat and shot it out of "humane-ness.'

Riiight. That's why both were fired instantly.

And as if that were not enough, this same Huckabee progeny, now 26 years old, was arrested and found guilty of carrying into Little Rock Airport a concealed and loaded Glock semiautomatic handgun this past April.

"I removed the bag and asked Mr. Huckabee if he knew what he had in the bag," Little Rock police officer Arthur Nugent wrote in a report after being summoned to a security checkpoint. "He replied he did now."

It has been reported that Biblical scholar and presidential candidate Huckabee intervened in both cases and attempted to cover up or influence the outcomes. He is also quoted as saying that the charges related to torturing and killing the dog were “political in nature” and Li'l Huck escaped punishment. But now that Li'l Huck is Bigger Huck, his father has no comment on the loaded pistol!

Oh brother.

Jeff Koopersmith is a political consultant, opinion research authority, policy analyst, and self-described "renegade lobbyist." He lives in Philadelphia, Washington and Geneva.

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