Followed by Ambulances Everywhere He Goes
"Is That a Defibrillator In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Glad to See Me?"
May 9, 2007 – Baghdad (apj.us) – It is never too thorny a problem to figure out where exactly Vice President Dick Cheney is at any given moment when he visits Baghdad.
First, Mr. Cheney never leaves the “Super” Green Zone, which is so protected that Saddam Hussein’s nuclear weapons (if he had them) could not have pierced the armor surrounding that area.
Second, Cheney is followed around these days by a specially equipped “vice presidential ambulance” containing back-up pacemakers, mood elevator injections, and anti-sneer muscle relaxants should Cheney accidentally look in mirror while trying to smile.
Today, the vice president made an unannounced stopover in Iraq. His mission: to talk with Prime Minister “Nouri the Nebbish” al-Maliki, otherwise known as the “Whore of Moktada”.
Both Cheney and al-Maliki pledged they would continue “plotting together,” even though there has been neither a reduction in violence in Baghdad nor a Cheney-promised stiff reduction in sadism now that his plan for the “surge” has been implemented.
In fact, Iraqi civilians are now dying at the rate of 40,000 a year from human and car bombs alone.
Cheney’s mouthpieces whine that we are holding his adipose feet to the fire too early and that “Surges” take a long time to work – this despite the fact that the word itself is defined as a “sudden” and forceful blow.
The normal gibberish flowed from the pieholes of Cheney and Maliki today. Here’s one example from al Maliki:
The meeting with the vice president paved a foundation for practical steps to support our efforts working on both the security front as well as the domestic political issues.
Meeting with a heart patient doesn’t do much to help, but between chest spasms he mentioned that he wants to do something “unimaginative” or realistic to help us with security and politics.
In fact, poor al-Maliki is now being used as the excuse for the failure of the Bush-Cheney war. Both Bush Junior and Dicky Ticker, the two top-o-the-heap U.S. clowns, now claim that the Iraqi Prime Minister is not showing enough progress to save their political reputations, which are now hovering in sub-Nixon-and-Carter territory nationwide – among Republicans! The idea of the Bush-Cheney propaganda is, of course, to blame the invaded – not the invaders. Remember how well this worked well for Hitler when he blamed European Jews for "forcing themselves to be gassed" during World War II?
Cheney, always eager to share his brand of truth and a deeper understanding of his underlying goals with the American people said today,
"We talked about a way ahead in terms of our mutual interests,"
"There's a lot going on. This is a very important time. There's a lot to talk about."
"We talked about saving my ass. It is important to talk a lot."