qWagmire For Dummies!

The Iraq Study Group Report: Another Disgrace for the Nation

December 7, 2006 — Geneva (apj.us) — I spent the better part of this morning and afternoon reading "qWagmire For Dummies" — or, as it is officially known, the much-touted "Study Group Report on Iraq" — written by a bipartisan committee of prominent recovering Iraq war supporters led by the original silly boy puppet, James A. Baker III, and Lee H. Hamilton, token Democrat. The remaining roster of co-chairs is a veritable "Who WAS Who in Beltway Shenanigans":

  • Lawrence S. Eagleburger (occasional irritating pundit-commmentator on CNN);
  • Vernon E. Jordan, Jr. (a wonderful guy who must have been annoyed with this group and is far ahead of them in the intellect department);
  • Edwin Meese III…HUH? Ed Meese? You must be joking! Meese was the subject of investigations by the United States Office of Independent Counsel on two occasions, knowingly participated in the Iran-Contra scandal, and was forced out as Attorney General of the United States. And who could forget the "Meese Commission," which investigated, of all things, pornography (thank the Lord!), with Meese himself urging that Playboy Magazine be banned. And guess who his buddy was in the 1980s? Why, none other than our now-humiliated friend, EX-ambasshole to the UN John Bolton, who defended Meese when he tried to tell America that investigating White House officials re Iran-Contra was "unconstitutional!;
  • Sandra Day O'Connor, Who personally delivered the White House to George W. Bush as the deciding vote on the Supreme Court, much to her should-be disgrace;
  • Leon E. Panetta, seemingly always annoyingly around;
  • William J. Perry, Secretary of Defense under Bill Clinton for three years;
  • Charles S. Robb, Democrat and former U.S. Senator who could well have been president, and;
  • Alan K. Simpson — they don't call him "Crazy Al" on the Hill for nothing.

I must admit that I know little about Lee Hamilton, save that he chaired the VERY House committee that investigated Iran-Contra and nailed Ed Meese. What are we to make of that?

More importantly, what do we make of the "Report?"

Well, the bottom line is that this gaggle of has-beens, would-bes and maybes has decided that the White House is full of idiots who have, in _every_ sense, failed in their pathetic attempt to bring democracy (and more importantly, unfettered Western values) to Iraq, a largely Islamic nation.

In general, the "Iraq Study Group" groped around for a way to save the nation's face while not slapping the President in his impudent face — at least not to the average moron. Anyone with a half-decent high school education can see quite clearly, however, that Bush has now been made the laughingstock of the planet inasmuch as this team of investigators have not found even a scintilla of evidence that Mr. Bush was or is capable of doing much more than bombing the bejeezus out of a far-away nation.

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